In like a lion, out like a lamb indeed. Yesterday I think we experienced what would be refered to as a "Spring Shower". It was still sunny out and raining happily all over the few cars left parked infront of the various apartment buildings. John P. told me once that when the sun is out, but it's raining...that means that the Devil is beating his wife behind the kitchen door. What that means, exactly, I haven't a fucking clue. I just assumed that it was just one of those weird things that I could blame on the fact that John P. is southern and rather crazy. Who knew the Devil had a wife anyway?

Justin and I went to Barnes&Noble yesterday because I was slowly beginning to panic because I didn't have any books to read. I've wanted to read One Hundred Years of Solitude for a while now, but the last few times I've picked it up, I was so disgusted by the giant "OPRAH'S BOOK CLUB" sticker on the front that I put it right back down and felt ashamed of myself for picking it up in the first place. It makes me feel bad that a little sticker detered me from getting the book. I felt like one of those guys who really wanted to dye his hair, but wouldn't buy hair dye because they only had ladies on the boxes. This is why companies package the same product twice, and just stamp "For MEN" on the side of one. It's because, otherwise, you are using a women's product and run the risk of waking up with boobs and vagina.

it's true.

But yesterday I confronted my fears and just picked up the book and bought it...sticker and all. "VAGINA AND TITS BE DAMNED!!!" I screamed as I ran towards the cashier. Well...this ofcourse was after I had a long discussion with the cute help desk girl about how the title A Short History of Nearly Everything was very misleading because it is housed in the SCIENCE section and not the HISTORY section where I had been looking and could never find and was far too lazy to actually ask.

For those of you who work with the public...don't you love it when people use the word "Misleading"? As in "These sale signs are very misleading." and then you respond by saying "They're not misleading at all, you're just a stupid bitch." and then you smile your best smile and walk away.

I got a birthday card from my grandmother yesterday. The first odd thing about it is that on the back of the envelope she wrote "In God We Trust" and I thought "OoOH! maybe there's money inside!" which there was, but for some reason I don't think that's why she wrote that on there. Either she was trying to giveme some little religious jibe, or she was at the post office and trying to pass my birthday card off as legal tender.

Upon opening the card I was rather shocked to see the same birthday card that she has sent me for the past three years. I seriously hope that she has a box of these cards and just sends them off to me and my cousin Aaron every year instead of just coming across them in the grocery store every year and is so moved by how ugly it is that she feels the great need to buy it and send it to me so that I too can dwell in the crappiness of it all.

On the cover is this hideous watercolor of a light house at night time, except on the lighthouse itself where a day time scene is painted. In the beam of light it says "What is a Grandson?" and the inside there is a tired poem about how totally keen grandsons are because they love their grandparents almost as much as they love god, and live their own lives but never forget that family comes first. And then she wrote some mildly nagging note about how nice it would be if I can to visit for Easter.

I should email her today and tell her that I got the card and thanks for the money, in the hopes that they won't call tomorrow and be like "Happy Birthday!!! COME FOR EASTER MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!". Of course if that happens I will be able to participate in one of my favorite pastimes...something that I like to refer to as "Lying to my family". And honestly, it wouldn't be that fun if I wasn't so god damn good at it.

making these little lines to separate my random thoughts are really fucking fun.

WhEEEEEE!!

I would like to admit that, while I don't actually have anything to say, I'm updating because Joey over at 12% Beer has inaugurated three brand spankin' new Beermates (Influence, MadamePierce, and TranceJen)...and this is like some strange type of peer pressure getting me to update and try to come up with exciting things to say. Which I don't seem to be doing.

Justin and I were down in the "shore area" of New Jersey a few days ago doing an errand for his parents, and on the way back we stopped by Asbury Park. Around the turn of the century this place was a thriving community with a boardwalk that boasted amusements for the young and alike. But in recently years the park came on bad times and was abandoned after a series of fires and the restoration projects are just starting to get underway. But really...abandoned amusement parks are fucking creepy. Justin suggested that we sneak into a few of the buildings...but I reminded him that that is where vampires lived, so we scrapped that idea and just walked around and took pictures. When we got home I looked it up online and found out that a great number of buildings still standing on the boardwalk were designed by the same guys who did the Grand Central Station Terminal in New York City. It'l be cool to head back to Asbury in a few years when they start cleaning up the boardwalk area and reopen it to the public. (I took pictures, but I haven't uploaded them to my web space yet cause I'm laaaaazy)