HackleBarney
2004-05-01 | 5:45 p.m.

It's really bad that every time I go and look at the 12% Beer site, I get really excited because I think that CuppaJoe has invited someone named "Flatulence" to join the ranks. Yes, every single time I open that page, I think "FLATULENCE!!!" and then I feel mildly foolish and even a little bit let down that it's "Influence". Serves me right for not actually reading the whole word.

Of course now that I've said this, Influence is going to come to my house and beat the shit out of me. But on the other hand, I tend to forget that I am a very tall, almost 400lbs man with piercings and hands the size of the computer monitor...who's very name strikes fear into the hearts of evil doers and lust into the loins of many.

Granted, in Influence's case, neither really would apply and the whole meeting would probably result in me cowering in the corner, covering my face and screaming like a little girl, because while I am a god among men, I'm also a big fat pussy so I guess Influence would win this one. But I'll be back. I'LL BE BACK!!!!!!!!

So one thing about Dirayland that drives me nuts is that every time I got on here to check which people on my buddy list have updated, It tells me how long it's been since I've updated, and I feel as though it's mocking me slightly. But no, seriously when I sign in it's like:

"Hey Bitch! You Haven't updated in 9 days. NINE FUCKING DAYS! What the hell have you been doing that's so damn important that you couldn't take the time to sit down and write something slightly amusing in here and make a few people happy. Do it for the Children, ya louse!!!"

And then, after I stop crying because the website was yelling at me again, I start feeling a little bit guilty because I feel like I've totally been holding out on everyone. Like the light of the world is in my pants and I won't even unzip them enough to give ANYONE a peek. Well...I would for a few people...but still.

Oh the shame.

The other day I took one of those "What does your birth month say about you?" quizzes online, and mine said "March: You like nice things" and I was like "HOT HOLY SHIT!!! I DO like nice things!! Amazing! It's as though this quiz has reached deep into my soul and pried out all of my deepest, darkest secrets!!!!"

I mean, really, who writes that shit? They couldn't at least touch on the fact that I like to smear mud on my ass, fondle sweaters, or hump refrigerators? Let's get a LITTLE bit more specific.


Pete's been playing WarCraft for four hours now. I'm sure he'll read this and try to contest me on it, but I've been watching him. 4 hours and 39 minutes and counting. I think he must do this because I'm really irritating and it's the only way he can get through his day without wanting to kill himself. All he has to do is ignore me for hours on end and work through his aggressions with Ogres and the undead. He's totally ticklish though, so I like to sit and watch him, and when big battles pop up, I poke him in his sides cause it makes him laugh a lot, and then scream "WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOOING?!?!?" and then laugh some more. I will admit. It makes me feel like the man, because I'm not the one who's a wussy ticklish little girl. I think I'm just getting my time in, because when Pete's new car gets here, I'm not going to see him again for months.

I am not a car person. I think that cars are things that allow us to get from point A to point B. I would want my car to be nice, and comfortable, but beyond that, I don't really give a fuck. Pete, however, is a car enthusiast. He sits in bed at night while I�m reading and rambles on about horse power and rims and interior colors, and modifications and whatever. He loses me almost instantly, but I try my best not to let him know that I'm as totally glazed over as I am.

So suffice it to say, I thought it a little bit dramatic when, a week ago, Pete announced that he was going to fly to Texas to look at a car and wanted to know if I wanted to come with him. I said "Texas? On purpose? FUCK NO!"

So he went by himself for two days, and he bought the car. He's having it shipped though, so he won't physically have it for another 2 weeks or so, but yeah. He has the fabled BMW M coupe. Personally, I think it looks like the car that the Ambiguously Gay Duo drive. It's a penis car. No...it really is...look:

well I think it looks like a penis. And I've been trying really hard to be all supportive of his hobby with liking expensive sports cars, but I just don't fucking get it. I can't wrap my head around it. So every time he talks about it, the only things that come out of my mouth are these really negative comments about the car.

Am I slightly jealous of it? Yes. Is it because the car has a bigger penis than I do? Yeah totally. But I'm confident that the Cock car will get it's comeuppance in a few months when "The World Of War Craft" comes out and the computer eats Pete's head. That won't be fun.


the other day, Justin decided that we needed to commune with nature, so we drove to Chester, New Jersey to Hacklebarney State park. It was perfect weather outside to wander around in the woods, by a river, and take pictures of rocks and trees. And that is exactly what we did.

Who knew that New Jersey had all these state parks? I certainly didn't. If you live in the area you should go check it out. They have some really nice walking paths there. Anyone interested in looking at all of the lovely pictures of trees and rocks that I took, feel free to click right here.


Oh, and Massive congrats to The Jewess who is graduating in about a week, and to Jonathan who is graduating on the 22nd. YAY!!! Come and join me in my post educational, jobless malaise! HURRAH!

[last] - [next]

[newest][archives]
[profile][notes][email]
[g-book][dland]


-Last 5 entries-
[2004-10-24]
[2004-10-11]
[2004-09-29]
[2004-09-16]
[2004-09-12]


Reading:



Get yo' ass NOTIFIED!: