The Mexicans Are After Me....again
2004-04-07 | 11:40 p.m.

My stomach feels kinda fucked up. Is this because I went and ate a steak the size of my face that just happened to be seasoned with the latest in fashionable mexican spices? Yeah....probably. The mexicans are always after me, fuck them and their spicy spices. Me duele el estomago!!

So have y'all heard about this new reality show on FOX? I remember about a year ago I was sitting in Savannah and we were all watching TV and there was one of those dime-a-dozen reality shows on and someone mentioned how the next step in television's sick evolution was to incorporate midgets and death. Well..we had that 'So I Married A Midget' show already, so the next logical step is to have a 'Real-World' style show in which we are introduced to a set of people who's lives we idly observe from our couches every Saturday night...and then at the end of the season America gets to vote on which one is horribly executed and fed raw to the other cast members. No really, it'll be fun.

But before that all happens, we have THE SWAN. have you seen commercials for this? It horrifies me. Pretty much FOX went out and found these women who were deemed 'Ugly Ducklings' and they're bringing them in and keeping them away from mirrors for three months, while they buy them new clothes, new hair, new make-up, give them a personal trainer, and give them a whole shit load of plastic surgery so that they look like totally different, but socially acceptably new people. Then they bring them out on national television and plop them in front of a mirror for the first time and watch the wailing and gnashing of teeth. I think is this totally can see mini-bios and pictures of the women on THE SWAN's website and, granted, most of these women would not be classified as a 'classic beauty' but they are far, very far, from ugly. The pictures they have up there, the ladies don't have their hair done, they don't have make up on, and they may have a bump on their nose or not perfect teeth, but if really bothers me that we're expected to look at them and cover our faces in horror because these women had the GALL not to look like the Photo-Shopped models on the cover of COSMO.

Okay...enough of this...

My grandmother sent me a chocolate bunny in the mail. She does this every year. We would get them in the mail when I was little, except I think that they were sent to us by my great Aunt. I think my grandmother thinks that it's this cute little ritual that we all share and cements her legacy a little bit more, but she's just going to her local Stop&Shop and getting me one of those $1.99 bunnies that you get near the cash register. Of course now I'm sitting sound all whiney and ungrateful...but really, how could I ever be ungrateful to anyone who sends me chocolate in the mail? As I'm sitting here typing this chewing slowly on the head of the rabbit that's sticking out of my mouth, a dribble of spit mixed with chocolate running down the side of my chin and thinking "Pagan fertility symbols usurped by Christianity never tasted so MMM-MMMM good!!!! Thanks Grandma!!"

But seriously...if you think I'm so fucking fantastic as to send me a chocolate bunny with a card preaching about how Easter is a time for family, then I want some god damn GODIVA! Granted if my grandmother spent that much money on chocolate she would probably hand deliver it to me, and then proceed on chasing me down the street with a bible in one hand and a cross in the other scream "JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE FUCKING SEASON, SINNER!!!!"

Oh, and check out my picture of me looking like a cyborg:

Okay I'm just holding my camera in front of my face, but I had so much fun pretending that I was a cyborg that I think you just need to let me pretend and hold on to this little tiny bit of happiness that I've created for myself. ::breaks into tears::

Oh...and I reworked one of my SWiSH pin-ups. If you remember, the Original inked drawing looked like this. And the reworked colored version looks like this. I like the colored one a hell of a lot better, and now all I need to do is add background sheeeeit. Yay for me!

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